I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Someone shit on the floor
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
