btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
