So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
