Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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