the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you will always have a special place in my vag
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
