I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
