I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
