watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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