If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
