my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
