yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
