If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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