i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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