ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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