Only a mothe r could love this liver
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
