the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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