"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
