i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
