My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
