I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
