Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
