You made me cry and you don't even care
zippers are such a cool invention
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
