i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
