I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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