does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
