just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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