So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
