I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I could make wine with my vomit
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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