If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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