why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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