Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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