Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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