I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
