Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
