the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
