I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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