Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
