Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
