Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
