this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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