Quick, to the slutcave!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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