so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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