I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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