So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize