How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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