I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
