Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
it glows. i had to have it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
