im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I need moral support for this bender
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
