Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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