its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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