What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize