Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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