She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
