is your mom at the bar?
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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