Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
