my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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