Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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