My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
