That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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