I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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