Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The best revenge is premature balding
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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