My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
