There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
