take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I got her a Nickelback box set.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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